Woman considers kicking out fiancé after he borrows £25k over years and never pays her back: 'I loaned money to buy my own engagement ring'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 1, 2026 1:15 PM EDT

Relationships are supposed to be a partnership; if there are any inequalities within them, they'd better be ones that both people are OK with.

Even the most strident believers in everything being 50/50 have to accept that things cannot be like that 100% of the time. Life doesn't automatically split responsibilities down the middle, and there is only so much that can be done to counteract that. Sometimes getting obsessed over fairness is just a one-way ticket to resentment.

That being said, there is a sobering number of individuals out there who believe they are entitled to exploit their partner's time and money however they see fit. They see them as a resource first, and a person second. It can be a difficult thing to come to terms with when you are the one getting the least out of the relationship. Nonetheless, it is important to be honest with yourself unless you want to set yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment. These kinds of behaviors normally get worse instead of better, and most of us do best in a relationship where somebody is giving something to us and not just taking away. It's an unpleasant lesson, but a necessary one.

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  • Representation of a woman's hands taking $100 out of a wallet
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    Representation of a woman's hands taking $100 out of a wallet

  • In this story, a woman was growing increasingly tired of the behavior that her fiancé had displayed throughout the relationship. He owed a lot of money to her, for everything from everyday expenses to dates he said he would pay for, to her own engagement ring. On top of this, he did not do a lot to help with chores and was currently out of work.

    Her partner was showing no signs of changing for the better, and she was wondering if they needed to live separately again to encourage him to improve. However, she was worried that she was being too harsh.

  • Would I be wrong for kicking my fiancé out and not letting them back until they've paid me back?

    My partner owes me £20,000 - £25,000 worth of IOUS built up over years of both essentials and luxuries. We've had to spend a lot of time far apart so every trip to see one another, rent and bills for time spent together, holidays, and I
    via twintailes
  • even loaned them money to buy my own engagement ring. But on top of this, every time we went out for dinner, I also paid, even though they said they would, they'd change their mind last minute. Same with day trips, movies,
    via twintailes
  • trains, ubers, etc. They aren't even helping around the house, they do one chore consistently and one chore RARELY and I feel like I'm becoming his mother.
    via twintailes
  • I've been fed up for a while, and we have talked about it repeatedly, but nothing has changed. They've been out of work, so I've been baring the grunt of everything and in the last few months alone, we've ped away £2000. I've already decided I am no
    via twintailes
  • longer lending them anything, I've also warned them I will not take responsibility if he changes his mind about paying for something when we've already started doing it and he will have no access to my cards or accounts.
    via twintailes
  • But, this has driven me to the edge, and while I love him and want this to work out, I am considering kicking him out and insisting he move back in with one of his parents, get a job and start paying me back before he gets to move back with me. I'm considering even asking that he give me the majority of his paycheck after he's paid his expenses.
    via twintailes
  • Would I be the AH if I kicked him out, or is there a better solution here?
    via twintailes
  • Models representing a male and female couple sitting on a couch together, the man holding a mug as he looks at something on the phone the woman is holding
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Models representing a male and female couple sitting on a couch together, the man holding a mug as he looks at something on the phone the woman is holding

  • KeyKaleidoscope6332 If this is your fiance then you have larger issues than whether or not you're an AH
    via KeyKaleidoscope6332
  • Ilovewally NTA he sounds like a hobosexual, and don't be surprised if you never see a dime from him. He has shown you who he is, believe him.
    via Ilovewally
  • Nenoshka You know if you stay with him/marry him, the next forty years will be the two of you stuck. deep in debt.
    via Nenoshka
  • Pippet_4 There's a good chance you'll never get your money back. But it's a certainty that you will never get your time back. Don't waste anymore.
    via Pippet_4
  • Someone that really loves and considers you would not rack up all this debt/ask you to pay for his luxuries. This is an expensive lesson to learn, but a much less expensive one than a marriage.
    via Pippet_4
  • HuntAccurate9397 NTA, does your partner even like you? it doesn't sound like he does. I would happily send him on his way back to the parents, he hasn't finished baking yet and maybe never will. He's what we refer to as a hobosexual.
    via HuntAccurate9397
  • ThestralBreeder I mean...how remorseful is he? I would be surprised if kicking him out did anything other than make him resentful and less willing to work to pay down the debt. If I were you I would kick him out and focus on paying it down yourself with a lesson learned. NTA
    via ThestralBreeder
  • One-Bug-7784 Don't marry this man. This will never change. He's never going to pay you back.
    via One-Bug-7784
  • Worldly-Ad-5065 You're not asking if you're the ah_le. You're asking if it's okay to evict your adult son that you're somehow engaged to
    via Worldly-Ad-5065

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